| WOW |
[11 Jan 2006|12:39am] |
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I totally forgot about this thing, its funny to see people still post in this thing, I guess I just lost intrest. I posted like what? A year ago.......and all my shit is still here, Props to Lj's server for saving all my crap for so long. I just went back and reread all my posts. Damn, Im money on most of my predictions. Almost everything has changed, and pretty much for a good reason or two. Im not going to go into depth, because really I don't even know if anyone will see this. So this is going to be the last, I think, post ever in this thing. I check up for a week or so, and if there is no posts in reply, I will slowly let this fade away into the abyss that was the latter part of the past 5 years.
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[19 Jan 2005|01:41pm] |
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I hate you
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| Its been a long time. |
[14 Nov 2004|01:30am] |
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The exile has been a long one. And let me tell you a harsh one at that. Alot has happend and some things will never be the same. I was browsing the internet a few days ago, when I came across a picture. Im not going to say of whom or what, but that picture symobolized every single fucking thing I had told a few individuals would happen one day. But since my middle name is drama, I was taken lightly. Oh well, two days late and a dollar short I guess, just thought I'd monday morning quarterback the quaintness of how the dream of the white house and the white picket fence will never come of age and will be shatterd before your very meaningless eyes. Yeah, thats right I'm evil because I realize nothing will ever be how you want it and rarely, and I mean 1 in 100,000,000 will you be competely happy. Happyness is false hope that one day things will go the way you want them to go. Doesnt that make happyness sound alittle selfish. Never-the-less say I the world is based on greed so whats it matter. It doesnt. Its just a glimmer on the horizion just to far out of reach for you to attain. Sure enough you might think youve reached out and harnessed it, but you havent. Only momentarily might have you fathomed the selfish act. But low and behold tommorow you will wake up, and, its gone. Only to return in the distant future, only for a second. But remember, its all ok, your home, safe, and I dont know what Im talking about.......
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[13 Jul 2004|04:43pm] |
Whatever.. ..
I sit back with this pen and this pad and this idea of this need it gives me the shit needed to be the most meanest MC on this -- on this Earth And since birth I've been cursed with this curse to just curse And just blurt this berserk and bizarre shit that works And its hell but it helps in itself to relieve all this tension dispensin these sentences Gettin this stress that's been eatin me recently off of this chest and I rest again peacefully (peacefully).. but at least have the decency in you to leave me alone, when you freaks read this journal in your homes when I'm just tryin to speak to me and to not come and speak to me (speak to me).. I don't know you and no, I don't owe you a mo-therfuck-in thing I'm not Mr. Popular, I'm not what your friends think I'm not Mr. Friendly, I can be a prick if you tempt me my tank is on empty (is on empty).. No patience is in me and if you offend me I'm liftin you 10 feet (liftin you 10 feet).. in the air I don't care who is there and who saw me destroy you Go call you a lawyer, file you a lawsuit I'll smile in the courtroom and buy you a life I'm tired of all you (of all you).. I don't mean to be mean but that's all I can be is just me
[Chorus: ]
And I am, whatever you say I am If I wasn't, then why would I say I am? In this journal, the news everyday I am Post this in your journals and twist this jam Cause I am, whatever you say I am If I wasn't, then why would I say I am? In this journal, the news everyday I am I don't know it's just the way I am
Sometimes I just feel like my father, I hate to be bothered with all of this nonsense it's constant And, "Oh, it's his topic of content - - the journal has gotten such rotten responses" And all of this controversy circles me and it seems like these false friends immediately points a finger at me (finger at me).. So I point one back at 'em, but not the index or pinkie or the ring or the thumb, it's the one you put up when you don't give a fuck, when you won't just put up with the bullshit they PULL, cause they full of shit too When a dude's just dropin the real news and they blame it on me.. and they lie in there little world Where do they get this bullshit at? And look where it's at Former friends, now it's a tragedy Now it's so sad to see, chris and his audasity havin this happenin (this happenin).. then attack me cause I refuse to act that way (act that way).. But I'm glad cause they feed me the fuel that I need for the fire to burn and it's burnin and I will never return
this is most likely the last post in this, ever
to some I bid farewell, to most I do not
goodbye
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| optional : (subject) |
[17 Jun 2004|11:17pm] |
I was reading austins journal, and I didnt what he had instructed all to do...When I went to the site of the person who wrote it, I was taken aback to find out he had killed himself. I read every single reply to his last post, all 202. He killed himself with a gun over a girl that had left him, a girl named meg.
I dont know something hit me when I foung out, I dont even know this person
I was riding on my way to work, still half asleep, but thats the way I like it, thats when i can dream and still be awake. I cherish these times, these are the times where I can do whatever I want, and I pick how its going to be and how it ends. I once read in someones profile that "dreaming about being someone else does not help who you are" why I cant remmeber the last day I didnt have a dream whatever
I was riding by a chruch in ventnor, and it had a sign out front "there is security in arms, gods arms" I havnt been to church in a long time, even when I was a kid I was dragged, even then I felt a falseness about it all. How can the church go against its own teachings, and have it be right and holy, gay preists? Its not just that, its almost every word they utter, false, bullshit. And if im wrong your god is supposed to forgive me and make this black lost sleep find his way back to the flock.
security in arms, gods arms
tell that to someone whos in Iraq They feel secure with the army issue M16 and a M1A1 abrams tank, not gods arms
"were shipping them out tommorow general....they will be 50 pounds lighter........why is that commander? were shipping them off with out arms.....when they get there they will have gods arms, I figure there is security in that"
I want to leave here, not life you dolts, but south jersey, There used to be a time where I loved it,I wouldnt want anything else. There was comfort here, security, and everything I wanted. Slowly, that has changed, and every day its a reminder of what this place has turned into. My partner for the police dpt is moving to florida after the summer..He feels exactly as I do, hes just 26, and Im 19. All day at work he talks about the places hes been there, and how everything is alot diffrent, I dont know I would just like to experince it, maybe someday, and it will be nice
everyday everyhour everyminute everysecond, there is a excuse utterd in my presence. Everyone I know has givin me a excuse of why this why that why not why yes why right why wrong, and Its getting pretty fucking sicking. Im tired of excuses if you cant tell me the real reason dont talk to me in the first place. when i say everyone, i ment everyone, not a single person in the last week besides kember because he doesnt pick up his cell phone or return calls has givin me a bullshit lie excuse, whatever ill roll with it,but you all know if Ihad done what is constantly done to me id be crucified for my pettyness in the face of your precious agendas.
im sure all of your responces will be to not talk to me or exclude me from plans
Upon further degression of the situation, croce did not give me a excuse, he has been truthfull and a good friend, i salute u general croce.
its fucking hot in this room
im done
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| where is shitbreak |
[13 Jun 2004|06:45pm] |
While bored I was sitting here reading all the LJ's I havnt read in forever and I happend to come across Howies girls LJ and found this, put you LJ name in and it tells you your stalker program, so I did and, weeeiiiirrrrddddd
| darkstofknightz's LJ stalker is quantumblaze! | | quantumblaze is stalking you because they have you confused with someone else whom they love. They are also mentally deranged! |
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| trapt |
[27 May 2004|01:20am] |
Close my eyes Let the whole thing pass me by There is no time To waste asking why I'll run away with you by my side I'll run away with you by my side I need to let go, let go, let go, let go of this pride, (Asking why)
I think about your face And how I fall into your eyes The outline that I trace Around the one that I call mine Time that called for space Unclear where you drew the line I don't need to solve this case And I don't need to look behind
[Chorus]
Do I expect to change, the past I hold inside, with all the words I say, repeating over in my mind, somethings you can't erase, no matter how hard you try, an exit to escape is all there is left to find.
Close my eyes Let the whole thing pass me by There is no time To waste asking why I'll run away with you by my side I'll run away with you by my side I need to let go, let go, let go, let go of this pride, Until this echo, echo, echo, echo in my mind Until this echo, echo, echo, echo can subside
(I know I always loved you) (I know I always loved you) (I know I always loved you)
So I close my eyes Let the whole thing pass me by There is no time To waste asking why I'll run away with you by my side I'll run away with you by my side I need to let go, let go, let go, let go of this pride, Until this echo, echo, echo, echo in my mind Until this echo, echo, echo, echo can subside
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| May 19th, 2004, Its absolutly pouring, How fitting |
[19 May 2004|04:01pm] |
"It is only fitting that its raining today, The rain signifies my bleeding heart, That was cut out of me on this day, It its raining today because my heart bleeds once again, this time, to ruin your fucking day."
[Chorus- Repeat 2x] I know you'd like to thank your shit don't stank But lean a little bit closer See that roses really smell like poo-oo-ooo Yeah, roses really smell like poo-oo-ooo
[Verse Two - Andre 3000] Caroline! See she's the reason for the word "bitch" I hope she's speeding on the way to the club Trying to hurry up to get to some Baller or singer or somebody like that And try to put on her makeup in the mirror And crash, crash, crash.. into a ditch! (Just Playing!) She needs a golden calculator to divide The time it took to look inside and realize that Real guys go for real down to Mars girls, yeah
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| EM ft WK- Restless |
[17 May 2004|02:11am] |
Chorus 2X: WHITE KEYS] Cause you don't know me, I don't know you So don't approach me, I won't approach you And don't insult me, I won't insult you Cause you don't know what I will or I won't do
[EDDY MACHEDY]
Make no mistake, I'm the Garden State heavyweight Bein underrated gave me time to create it Can you relate? I renovate, straight out the gate Carried my weight, but seem to receive nothin but hate creative thoughts just a few years to late but I guess its just my fate Kidnapped, locked in a trunk, get shot in the face No hoes, no clothes, no one showin up for eddy machedy shows You know how it goes; I might as well kick it at home (nolia) But my ex-girl hate my guts and can't stand me (yeah) Packed up, moved out, started a new fuck So all this strugglin for what, so I can blow up marry a slut but can't watch my seed grow up? FUCK THAT, this the fuckin thanks I get for tryin to edutain assholes become the hottest around Yo I feel like my whole life is upside down (upside down) cause you seein no more support eddys goin wild It's like..
[WHITE KEYS]
TBW
[Chorus]
[EDDY MACHEDY] This ain't business, this is personal BITCH You don't know Eddy Machedy from shit, new school, class dismissed I had a very FUCKED UP day, I'm needin this fit Shuttin motherfuckers up like they pleadin the 5th Yo Keys' it's time to get serious with it (yeah) Time for everybody to feel it, similar to the egg in the skillet OH you tuff you sell drugs?, Oh you have guns you thugs? Ain't no neighborhood that's big enough to bang on us Ain't no love lost my niggaz, relax yo'self I'm about to snatch it all and start spreadin the wealth To my friends who never seen it I mean it when I holla at the top of my lungs about my guns and my loved ones Got, tons of ammo to crack your enamel Changin your channel, you played like a fuckin piano Ridin slow through Cali like I'm ridin a camel Millionaire motherfuckers with their brains in their flannels I feel like, Tony Soprano, who do I trust now? Just hit me on my tele' nigga soon as I touch down Spit lines to split spines just to get mine Big behind bitches gettin dick to spit shine Sniff lines of coke, you think that shit makes you dope Bitch-ass cats soon to be droppin the soap Get choked out and beat, put your head in a vise-grip and turn til you motherfuckers tell me the right shit
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| well |
[13 May 2004|01:30am] |
well summer is here. difficult to say how its going to pan out, awesome, or unbelieveable. soon enough everyone will be home from college and it will be old times again, or maybe not. Not that much exciting has happend lately, other than taking the bike out every day in shorts and tee's, and reciving my state volenteer firemans ID number. other than that, preping the bike for the upcoming hot-rod show in OC maryland. It every year ive gone has been the sickest thing around, burnouts at traffic lights midnight racing down the strip, every parking lot jam packed with sport bikes, blown hot rods, lowrider trucks and imports. night usually ends at 4 am, and we got a condo right on the beach, so should be a good start to summer. but when the fun's over work starts the following week, I got the shifts and days off i asked for which is awesome. hopefully the beat is quiet but i have a feeling and have been hearing this is going to be the busyest year ever, which, cant be all that bad now can it.
I havnt posted in awhile so i doubt anyone is still checking this thing, but if you are, i dont care if its someone i despise if you want to, tell everyone whats going on in your fabolous life, because your what matters
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| U571 Is targeted |
[19 Apr 2004|12:19am] |
Hmmmm, I dont think anyone reads this. I think the only people who do are clandestine and read it to try to nail me with something Ive said. Summer is oh so close. I can feel it. The mall is filled with summer color, the general attire this weekend was polos and kackhi shorts, motorcycles were all over the place, mustangs fresh from the winter garages were tooling around town, mulch was catching on fire, and it was warm enough to contemplate a trip to the boardwalk. Althouth I didn't set fourth in this endevour, I can only sit here and sulk at why I didn't. Unfortunaltly, I can count the number of saturdays and sundays I have to do whatever I want to. Wake up at sunrise, go outside and smell the fresh bay breeze, go swimming, play some pool, enjoy a bbq.....I am going to miss saturday and sunday. Fortunatly, I can count the number of days of school, and horrid work. And I proclaim horrid. I dont really feel like completely bash it for its evil evil undertakings on this right now....But if you feel so inclined to Instant message me about it I will explain it to you, But I dont think anyone will.
I have read Ian's Journal and I would like to congradulate him on his happines. Hopefully hes found what we all are looking for and only a few can find. He from reading his journal hasn't been happy much so this is a welcomed change.
I guess now I am supposed to talk about what I did this weekend, but noone is reading this, but I dont care so ill go on my merry way. Bought some dvds, cruised around, pops was on vacation so it was nice doing whatever I wanted to without verbal annoying harassment of what I dont do, and why I should be doing it. The camaro was totaly overhaulled, again. The interior is almost 99 Percent complete, Rims were painted Grey mistachrome and clear coated, engine bay totaly cleaned, interior detailed, all wires tagged and propertly wired. Not to many camaros make it past where mine has been, hopefully it will last a few more years. I was going to detail the bike, but it didnt make it out of the corner of the grarage, parts from the camaro were everywhere and space was needed to deal with all the parts, next weekend tho, I promised it next weekend. Saw the punisher, It fuckin sucked, the plot sucked, the actor sucked, and most of all, the corney ass music sucked. Only cool part of the entire movie was when he shouved the knife thru the guys mouth. I was contemplating seeing kill bill 2, but I havent seen the first one, and I heard the second one was a let down, if anyone doesnt think so let me know so I can buy the first one then go see the second. Alot of other stupid shit happend this weekend, I dont feel like typing it tho, one amazing thing of the weekend tho..
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... Austin walker has just told me hes going to go to sleep. Yes, it is amazing, Austing is going to sleep, ad 12:47 am
WreckTheLaw (12:36:42 AM): bout to sleep sleep??? WreckTheLaw (12:45:50 AM): yeah
this was in austins LJ, so i did it for shits and giggles
How clever was this one, Just as predictable as Aunt Cleo
Ice cyrstal ehh, atleast I kill Jackie Chan
I dont think I would run from jennifer Anniston, and I guess im frozen, maybe like my heart, cold as ice.
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| Your easter not mine |
[11 Apr 2004|06:48pm] |
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Woke up at 1, got dressed, and was dissappointed enough to realize the mall and best buy wernt open. Youd think there would be enough jews and indans in south jersey to keep them open. I guess not. Got a accident call, jaws of life. Fire dept got there quciker than police department, maybe becuase theres only two cops working absecon today. Some black guys lost controll of their car at 50 mph, in the rain, and head on collision. The guy was alright since to absecons kick ass responce time and dedicated firefighters. EHT cops came and helped shut down the road, there were tires that poped off and shit all over the place. Other than that this day was boreing, sick and tired of seeing this democratic 9/11 commitie trying to grill bush becuase their candidate is a double talking looser. Oh shit democrates, did bush have a crystal fucking ball? No he didnt, sure your 20/20 hindsight. Atleast bush did what he needed to do and kicked some ass, rather than cop some like your president clinton did. Turn this 9/11 committie the fuck off, noone knew it was coming, its rediculous to think otherwise, it happend, it will never happen again let it go, have a committe to remeber the people who died, to make memorials, dont use it as a poor exuse to promote your drop dead candidate and say "oh its for the victims, we need to know" Just turn it the fuck off.
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| Dreams |
[04 Apr 2004|03:34am] |
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mood |
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indescribable |
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music |
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Heart- these dreams |
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Spare a little candle Save some light for me Figures up ahead Moving in the trees White skin in linen Perfume on her wrist And the full moon that hangs over these dreams in the mist Darkness on the edge Shadows where I stand I search for the time On a watch with no hands I want to see you clearly Come closer than this But all I remember are the dreams in the mist
These dreams go on when I close my eyes Every second of the night I live another life These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside Every moment I'm awake the further I'm away Is it cloak 'n dagger Could it be spring or fall I walk without a cut Through a stained glass wall Weaker in my eyesight The candle in my grip And words that have no form Are falling from my lips
These dreams go on when I close my eyes Every second of the night I live another life These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside Every moment I'm awake the further I'm away There's something out there
I can't resist I need to hide away from the pain There's something out there I can't resist The sweetest song is silence That I've ever heard Funny how your feet In dreams never touch the earth In a wood full of princes Freedom is a kiss But the prince hides his face From dreams in the mist
These dreams go on when I close my eyes Every second of the night I live another life These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside Every moment I'm awake the further I'm away These dreams go on when I close my eyes Every second of the night I live another life These dreams that sleep when it's cold outside Every moment I'm awake the further I'm away
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[01 Apr 2004|11:08pm] |
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mood |
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complacent |
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music |
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yellow card - ocean ave |
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I am sitting here, waiting for this pager to go off. This is all I care about right now. Today, was a fucking shitty day. You dont care if It was a shitty day for me or not. But not only do you not care, either to I.
I was at a red light, in the latter part of this waste of time working for my "boss" and someone whom I dislike very much realtive was behind me, but I looked in my rear veiw mirror and I watched her eyes as she jelously glazed at the rear of my car, noticing every detail of what I had and what she didnt. Her faced grimmaced with the face of evny and disgust. She did not have the pleasure of witnissing my expresion because the hatch was blacked out, but all the better. On my way to another worth less persons dewelling I saw another person whom I have much disgust for, but as he gestured to me, My face stayed the same monotone state it was the whole night. He will get his one day, Ill just wait for that day, and when it comes Ill relish the feeling.
woah, sick and twisted right. Not as sick and twisted as your misserable life. You can pretend all you want, get excited and live it up every moment you have. 99 percent of the time your life will be pointless and shitty but hey, you sleep a thrid of that off thats one third of the time you can dream to be what you want to be right? sounds like a plan to me, one third of the time on this planet I am better that you But for one person this does not apply to, austin I have sympathy for austin, he spend one tenth of his life asleep surely not enough time to enter rem sleep the dreaming fourth stage of sleep Never will he see the pleasure of fucking over you pointless jerkoffs that is something I dont think I could live without, yet he does hes a man of honor, its not easy being brittish.
youve read this diary or journal or "whatnot" for a long enough time I tell it strait Im the one who writes what you think, but would never say
But like I said, for one third of the time of my life, of your life non of it matters
the alarm just went off, but my pager didnt odd hollywood is finding out if its a call or not I would have the scanner, but I dont have the money for it I sure hope there is a call then i wont be here, typing giving you something to fill up the two thrids of worthlessness your life is. your current thoughts right now "fuck you chris, you asshole, my life isnt worthless your life is worthless, burn in hell" well woundnt you say you just made your life worthless by caring about me, the worthless one right? haha, yeah, Im right, see you in hell bitch and in my dream ill kick your ass and steal your house and fuck your mom.
Now that was alittle extream, but it was an extream example you needed to hear, because you, one time or another said the same thing. Your saying right now "yeah right chris, your crazy, Ill never say that, thats demented, perverted and crazy"
Ill laugh when you say it up. hollywood just rang in, false alarm
Oh well, I guess ill go to sleep and live that better part. Just remeber this was all for your enjoyment, no no, really it was and if your reading this line right now, stop, leave this page
why havent you left, do you really care what I say that much, leave now
must be a long worthless day
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| Fire |
[28 Mar 2004|01:03am] |
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Well its around 1:04 and I just got back from my first fire call. It was at one of the high-rises and when you get a call from there, everyones game face is on because thats the real deal. When I got to the station the first truck leavin so I ran and threw my shit on, by that time we had heard nothing from the first truck so we left, and so did another truck. When we got on scene they determined it was just some malfuntion with the fire sensors. Cops blocket traffic at all the lights for us so that was neato. Over all Id say it was one of the biggest rushes Ive ever felt. I love it. About 25 volenteers showed up, that makes me feel good. 25 guys risking their lives to save, help others in need, in the middle of the night. They dont earn a salary, theres no money in it for them. Those guys are the true heros. Not donovan mcnabb or any sports stars. I dont know, but you'd have to do it to get the feeling I do. I think this is the best thing Ive ever done. I dont really know how to end this post, alot of emotion flowing and have a lot of adreniline flowing, so Ill just say, see you next post.
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| Dark like the Night |
[22 Mar 2004|12:49am] |
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This awesome new layout is here thanks to my little dark princess Brittany Rachel Martha Corinthabel Rishell. For shes the best, and you all suck.
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| Fuck off |
[09 Mar 2004|09:40pm] |
Some people only care about this think when you talk about things that are going on in it, For the loyal reader who read it no matter what it says, your thoughts veiws and time to read this is appreated, for all the others, you can go fuck yourselfs. Furthermore, your opinions on this, journal, are taken with a grain of salt, dont IM demanding a link to my journal, if I wanted you to have it you would, therefore fuck off, dont patronize this journal because your name might have been mentiond in a story that was journalized by me, for my journal. If I posted shit in your journal, then you can IM, but since this is not your journal, and I didnt ask you to read it, dont.
133,330 thousand people hate my journal, but I only hate you.
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| Stolen from Ian |
[18 Feb 2004|12:00pm] |
SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive.Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
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| Trapt |
[26 Jan 2004|11:58pm] |
Circling your head, contemplating everything you ever said Now I see the truth, I got doubt A different motive in your eyes and now I’m out See you later I see your fantasy, You want to make it a reality paved in gold See inside, Inside of our heads (yeah) Well now that’s over I see your motives inside, decisions to hide
Fuck off I’ll take you on Headstrong to take on anyone I know that you are wrong Headstrong we’re Headstrong Back off I’ll take you on Headstrong to take on anyone I know that you are wrong and this is not where you belong I can’t give everything away I won’t give everything away
Conclusions manifest, your first impressions got to be your very best I see you’re full of $#!T, and that’s alright That’s how you play, I guess you’ll get through every night Well now that’s over I see your fantasy, you want to make it a reality paved in gold See inside, inside of our heads (yeah) Well now that’s over I see your motives inside, decisions to hide
Fuck off I’ll take you on Headstrong to take on anyone I know that you are wrong Headstrong we’re Headstrong Back off I’ll take you on Headstrong to take on anyone I know that you are wrong and this is not where you belong I can’t give everything away I won’t give everything away
I know, I know all about I know, I know all about your motives inside, and your decision to hide
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| Trapt |
[26 Jan 2004|11:58pm] |
Circling your head, contemplating everything you ever said Now I see the truth, I got doubt A different motive in your eyes and now I’m out See you later I see your fantasy, You want to make it a reality paved in gold See inside, Inside of our heads (yeah) Well now that’s over I see your motives inside, decisions to hide
Fuck off I’ll take you on Headstrong to take on anyone I know that you are wrong Headstrong we’re Headstrong Back off I’ll take you on Headstrong to take on anyone I know that you are wrong and this is not where you belong I can’t give everything away I won’t give everything away
Conclusions manifest, your first impressions got to be your very best I see you’re full of $#!T, and that’s alright That’s how you play, I guess you’ll get through every night Well now that’s over I see your fantasy, you want to make it a reality paved in gold See inside, inside of our heads (yeah) Well now that’s over I see your motives inside, decisions to hide
Fuck off I’ll take you on Headstrong to take on anyone I know that you are wrong Headstrong we’re Headstrong Back off I’ll take you on Headstrong to take on anyone I know that you are wrong and this is not where you belong I can’t give everything away I won’t give everything away
I know, I know all about I know, I know all about your motives inside, and your decision to hide
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